rude ass people then onto a longer rant

seriously

im so pissed off at how people interact with eachother in jersey.  i live in a nice area of jersey, somewhat wealthy upper middle class, lower upper class? idk the difference, but still.  ive been noticing this more and more this past month. ill be outside smoking a cig on my front step, and i live in this really stereotypically suburban neighborhood, all the houses look the same, everyone drives a mercedes and an escalade -- anyway ill be outside, the sidewalk is maybe 15 feet from my step, maybe 20 idk, but within conversation distance. and moms, dads, people my age walk by and dont even acknowledge me, or for that fact anyone else. they usually dont seem like theyre on a mission to get somewhere, you know? theyre casually walking on the sidewalk, how difficult would it be to just look over and smile, wave or say hello? this shit really bothers me for some reason. i always wave or say hi, and 99% of the time i get nothing back. yesterday i parked my truck across from my house, and i stopped to let a woman drive by before i crossed, so when she drove by she was literally 2 feet from me, she just looked straight ahead and didnt wave or anything.

with this expression on her face

anytime i drive down my road, and usually other peoples roads too, i wave to anyone outside. i might be weird for doing that, but it seems the polite and nice thing to do.  nothing too overdramatic, just a friendly hello.  or this lady who was walking her dog on my side of the road, her dog was about to poop on my grass. i didnt get upset or anything, i sat there and waited for her to pick her head up and smile or say something so i could do the same, and she just let the dog squat on my lawn. i would have had a bag in hand and telling the owner of the house if they were outside id pick it right up and striking up a neighborly conversation with them, but no. nothing. like how rude can you be?

segue ----

my neighbor to the left on me.. there are a husband and wife and two sons, ones my age and was in a class with me, the other is gay and my older brothers age.  i see them walking to or from their cars almost everyday while i smoke or when im outside, and i have YET in the 5 years ive lived here for them to even look at me.  legit how rude can you be. the family to the right of me at least walked over and introduced themselves when we first moved in.  they also have a son my age who was in a class with me, i think he looked at me once in the halls like the first week of junior year, but thats it.  he drives by my house to get to his, and im outside a lot, and see him a lot, and he never looks at me or anything.  maybe im needy, or some other adjective, but seriously i think this is rude as fuck.

segue ----

something thatll take a lot longer to talk about but whatever this is free therapy lol.  friends.  this subject is very two sided and complicated but ill just dive in with the first side of it.  i dont have many people i can securely call friends.  of course i have facebook friends, i have people ive met once and talk online with every now and then, i have old friends who live in other parts of the country, i have exes who are now friendly with me, so on. but i really dont have that many good friends i can really count on or who exhibit the usual qualifications of friendship.  ive found that unless im dating someone and its socially obligated for them to call me every so often or else the relationship is terminated, my friends dont call me at all. theyre usually happy to talk to me if i message them or call them, we can talk for upwards of 5 or 6 hours on the phone and get really into things, but im -always- the one who needs to initiate the call or message.  as far as plans go, im 99% responsible for contacting the other person to make plans, i really never get invited to come over somewhere or go somewhere out of the blue.  if someone is getting together a group of friends, i might get an invite through a group invite thing, but my mya friends, philly friends, jersey friends, pocono friends, rhode island friends, edtc friends, none of them call me to see if im free. which really bothers me too. disregarding that fact, i have a very nice time when i hang out with them and they say we need to do this again soon. and most of the time when i follow up with that, they make up some stupid lying lazy excuse not to hang out for another 6 months or so.  this applies to absolutely everyone except maybe 3 people who i still need to call first. legit if i didnt call them for months on end, the friendship would just end because they would never call me. i experimented with this hypothesis several times, and i was right every time.  its really sad when i think about it, like theres something deterring them from calling me, some aspect of my personality that they like in person, but in recollection, they either say eh no lets find someone else to hang out with, or i dont come to mind at all.

everything was different in georgia , neighbors were so incredibly friendly, everyone was included in everything, invitations were in your mailbox everyday for house parties, functions, sporting events, pool parties. my friends would call me a lot, id call them a lot, wed get together and play or go somewhere. take trips to six flags, whathaveyou. it was just... what i imagine life to be.  that utopian idea everyone has in their heads of the absolute perfect place to live, georgia was it for me.  beautiful community, gorgeous houses, really nice and accepting people, inclusive groups, just everything nice. idk, there are good and bad aspects about jersey, but this social standard of blowing everyone off, neighbors and friends alike, is really starting to get to me.  this shit is one of the major factors that lead to my eating disorder, and one of the reasons i started branching out and signed up for online dating sites, meeting people a half hour, hour, two hours away just to find people i could maybe form the kind of friendship i expected id have by the dozens.

this is my idea of utopia, and my actual neighborhood back in georgia.

ugh, all done my rant for today, my fingers hurt too much to finish lol.

next time, im gonna complain about dating and how shitty it is in philadelphia. im sure you guys are thuper psyched about that.

mmmm....

hah. so read back a few pages to where im complaining about this guys roommate i moved in with a year ago so understand this post.

so i've discovered the great mysteries of our time, namely why -that person- never mentioned/ talked about/ hinted towards/ acknowledged anything involving that night we hooked up. it was a fairly obvious reason, just one i didnt expect would come from him. but wtf do i know.

i went out to dinner last night with my friend, who was the friend i moved in with originally when i found out his current roommate was the guy i liked 4 years ago so on, and i had a beer and i explained my recently gained knowledge of the 4 steps you systematically experience when you drink...as i was drinking lol. those include loss of inhibitions, skewed judgment, dysphoria or feeling like dookie, and loss of coordination. so i have a level 1 of 4 drunk, so i was like Hey, i have a ...can i be honest with you? no nevermind. doing that drunk mumbling thing, and he said ugh just tell me. so i asked him if he knew what happened that first night i moved in, and he said yes. and i said so why has he never brought it up, acknowledged it, because he didnt seem embarassed it happened the next morning, but he didnt seem too pleased with the events of the preceding night. and he said almost rehearsed something to the effect of - he just doesnt see it as big enough of a deal to bring up.  and i just found that weird, for someone to be so blaze about something like that, then act like nothing happened while that other person is living uhhh 4 feet from your bedroom lol.

whatever. i know this is unimportant and boring and not anything that warrented a post, but im not paying for a psychiatrist, so this'll do. --thatll do pig, that'll do.


~~~~~ aaaaanyway. i just learned that sandra bullock speaks fluent german? who knew.

mmkbye

a guide to comedic acknowledgment, capitalization, and email etiquette through the eyes of a cynic

ok. if you aren't an awkward twat and have some semblance of how much of an lol or a haha to give someone, here's a little explanation. im kinda pissed that i have to make this post, but people really have no clue what they're doing and come off like rancid assholes on the internet. yes im aware people interpret text differently than if two people were talking face to face, but that isn't the case, so adjust your fucking internal calibrations. (insert napoleon dynamite Gohhhhdd)

everything is situational by how long you've known the person, they're personality, the mood and direction of the conversation. 

so lets start out simple for all you people out there in lancaster and fucking bloomsburg. "haha" is sufficient for most comedic acknowledgments. if you're in a neutral mood, the joke wasnt extraordinarily funny, and you're simply acknowledging the joke instead of adding onto the joke,  just use "haha." lowercase, 4 letters, haha. thats it. if you're coming out of a funk or are depressed and they're trying to cheer you up but you dont really feel like laughing, contrary to what LOL stands for, type "lol." lowercase, 3 letters. thats it.

if you just met someone, there is almost zero reason for you to exceed 4 letters of comedic acknowledgment. none. so unless the person you're talking to is very very very easygoing and lenient on the internet, dont take the chance of pissing them off by doing something like this:

-------------------

Them - my roommate told me to add you, he said you live around here? pretty crappy area huh

You - i know right HAHAHAHA

--------------------

one tangent of many i assume, <Correct and accurate punctuation, like this, is all well and dandy if you have autocorrect and it does it automatically; or if you are an avid grammatical nutcase;> but if you typing out every single uppercase letter and weird little fucking semi-colon is taking too long and your reader is sitting there waiting for a response to something like "hey hows that new applebees down near the museum?", they must be a bit pissed when they receive "Oh, you know, it was just a typical Applebees, wood-panelling, unnecessary stained glass lighting, so forth." they might just log off in frustration.  i know for a fact that im not overreacting, because many of my friends say they know what im talking about. the term 'instant messenger' implies the messages are sent in an instant, not a decade. type out the information using as little punctuation, capitalization and weird fucking marks like [{]}\;";| that.

-----------------------

back to my original point.

nope, i lied. another tangent. TYPING LIKE THIS MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A DOUCHEBAG. i can probably count on one hand the times i've typed in all caps in the past 2 years. unless you're talking to someone you know very well and something deeply comedic happens like a candid shot of your cousin was taken of her trying to make a potted plant drink the rest of her martini, or you're a fucktard craigslist poster person trying to grab people's attention even though every other fucking post on the page is also in all caps, there is no reason for all caps. dont be deceived by that key next to the "A" -- underneath that key is a second sensor that delivers a signal to the IRS and you get $500 taken out of your tax returns every time it's depressed. keep that in mind, large man swallowing up his computer chair and the wheels cry out for relief.

-----------

keedokee, back to the haha's. if someone if really trying to make you laugh and you dont want to make shit uncomfortable between you two, a "haha" might not do the trick.  if someone is putting legit effort into making their joke valid in your eyes, you better add 1 more "h" at the end, producing a 5 letter expression that looks like this "hahah."  no more, no less. 

also bear in mind, you can also achieve this effect by adding one more "L" to the end of "lol" producting this expression: "loll."  no more, no less.

again, if you know the person well enough and they have about the same type of humor as you do, and you've thought your decision through to add repeated -ahahaha's and -lololllol's, be my guest, just dont say i didnt warn you when they're response back is something like "yeah..." or "gotta go bye."

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email ettiquette

once again, i didn't want to have to make this publicly accessible, but by indirect popular demand, it's been subconsciously requested, and all too needed. 

lets start out simple again.  if you are emailing someone who is above you at your work, someone you simply have never met before, basically anyone who isn't in your direct atomic or extended family, or close friends, use proper capitalization punctuation and grammar, use spell check, grammar check, all of that. make it look like a white house letter.

if you are responding to an ad, lets say you're interested in a couch you read about on craigslist, and the ad states to email for information and pictures, do not do this:

You - PICTURES???????

----------

or things like this will happen.  this actually happened.

Them - PICTURES?????

Me -

you're not getting anything because you are ignorant to email courtesy

Them -  
Wow ur a fucking piece of shit!!!!!!!!

Ur a nigger bitch!!!!!!! 

Me -  

took you 2 emails to get that all out?

Them -  

Email courtesy honey take down ur fucking cl post bitch.

Me -  
jesus, were your parents siblings? little suggestion, if you want
something from someone, be polite about it. this whole mess of a
personality you have is oh so appealing, but maybe if you keep talking,
maybe one day you'll say something intelligent.

Them -  
All cause I said do u have pictures??????? Wow email courtesy!!! Wow...lol!! And hunny don't talk about my parents. But for ur information there dead. Thanks 

Me -  
probably killed themselves after they saw the abomination you turned out
to be

Them -  
Wow to say that to someone whose parents died when they were 3yrs old!!!!! Rot in hell bitch!!

Me -  
you're getting redundant, im kinda busy now, can i ignore you later?

Them - 

Ya

Lol delete my fucking email coward 

Me -  its physically impossible for you to see if people delete emails, but 
that just furthers my claim of you knowing nothing about emailing. i 
really enjoy the shittiness of your life, you really spend your time 
emailing half-baked insults to complete strangers? 

------------------

 so, several things to take away from this exchange, a - dont fuck with me. b - dont be a dick with email courtesy or these things will happen to you if you end up emailing an angry pessimistic cynic like myself, and c - i'll bring your inbred family into the argument. honestly, most people wouldn't overreact this far, but i was trying to prove a point, and i was also kinda tired, and i get cranky when i dont get my nap lol. but normal people might not send the pictures you requested simply because they don't like the way you asked. in these emails, the format is very informal, however it does not warrent you typing and talking like a fucking savage who just learned the interwebs yesterday. less is more, almost always. if you think something might be 'overdoing it,' you're probably right. on the other side of the same card, if you actually had those inclinations and that forethought, you probably wouldn't be reading this. i honestly expect like one person to read this, i just like to document my descent into total insanity and depravity. 

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that is all for now, there will be further installments if things continue to piss me off