bahhhh

so i know this post is gonna be hella contradictory, but i really dont care. i use this page to air out my emotions so dont judge me when you read this. so ive been living with this one guy for a couple days who i met way back in 08, and he told me he had a new roommate but didnt tell me who it was until the night before i moved in basically. so this roommate... i met him back in 08 too at the gay and lesbian youth group thing, and ive had a violent crush on him since then. he went to paris for a year or so, so i kinda tried to extricate that crush from my system to avoid another adam situation. so i come over and hes asleep the night i get there, i wake up and say hi, cordial blah blah whatever. that night we got real real drunk cuz of hurricane irene hitting us. so when i get drunk i turn into a fuckin 15 year old boy, im not immature when im drunk? but i access certain emotions which i would normally keep hidden under a rotting tree trunk in a forest in russia. so i was plastered, and idk how the subject came about, but my friend asked me what was wrong and i was like YOU KNOW whats wrong lol, then hes like well what do you want me to do about it. im like ugh idk nevermind. so we got more drunk and that friend fell asleep, leaving me and this kid i have the crush on sitting on the same couch watching youtube videos. then we inched closer to eachother and did that whole song and dance. and we went back to his room and watched more youtube shit, and ended up falling asleep on his bed. i started on my side and he pulled me into himself in that cute i like you cuddly way. then he would turn over and i did the same. we did that for a while and fell asleep eventually. oh and we kissed a little bit. so we woke up and did that some more, and he went out to wal mart, and i came into the main part of the apartment and the other guy was giving me the cold shoulder??? we dated for a week like half a year ago, and we've been best friends since then, so maybe he was still harboring feelings for me?? idfk. so we broke through that and got back to normal, then the guy i like came back home and we like didnt make eye contact, like less than when we didnt have any chemistry yet. i was like .... oh. so its like 9pm right now and its been that way the whole day. so...what the fucking hell do you want lol. if he had regrets about last night, then he wouldnt have woken up and done that cuddling thing with me for an hour before leaving? granted, we were both drunk last night, but the feeling seemed to carry over into this morning which leads me to believe that he felt something more than the drunkenness. so we'll see how tonight goes, where i end up sleeping lol and what ends up happening. i mean maybe hes one of those people who takes 'no strings attached REALLY seriously, but id at least like to talk about it. or have him acknowledge that last night/ this morning was more than a hallucination. so hes getting drunk again tonight, so im definitely getting drunk too, so maybe we can rehash what happened? but ugh. and right now i have enough shit on my plate to even begin to start with this relationship shit, but seriously, im drew, im a slave to my emotions lol.

so my moms really cool...

storytime. mikey and his boyfriend from ohio went to the club with me tonight, he had a few shots in philly so he was obviously not able to drive anywhere, and mikey doesnt have a license. so we come home and open a bottle of wine we bought, because GASP were mature people who are allowed to have some wine on occasion if were not driving anywhere for the night. much to my chagrin, i hear 'thump, thump, thump' then a door opening and a very inpatient old woman holler downstairs DREW, COME UP HERE PLEASE. i gave mikey the same 'wee this will be fun' fake smile that i gave him when i saw about 17 of my ex's in the club earlier that night. i go upstairs and the conversation follows:

mom - are you alone?
me - no
mom - ugh.. who's here?
me - mikey and brennen
mom - why are they here?
me - brennen had alcohol at the club and im not letting him drive home tonight
mom - so who drove home from philly?!?!
me - i did
mom - in who's car??
me - mine.
mom - where are they planning on sleeping?
me - in the basement with me
mom - if i walk down there and theyre having sex, im kicking all three of you out
me - haha and where would i go?
mom - at that point i really wouldnt give a shit
me - aww thats cute
mom - if they disrespect me that much to have sex in my house, im kicking all of you out
me - they arent having sex, ill be down there with them
mom - fine.
me - and since no ones going anywhere tonight, brennen bought some wine, we're gonna have a glass
mom - if i come downstairs and see an opened bottle of wine, you're all getting kicked out
me - haha good luck kicking me out, im having wine, im old enough to make my own decisions, have a good    night
mom - yeah?
me - go to bed, youre starting to get on my nerves sweety

so she follows me down to the basement (interesting how she claims to be unable to walk up or down stairs, yet she can scale two flights of stairs so she can continue an argument)

mom - you two will not have sex in my house, is that understood?
me - mom, go back upstiars im done with your mouth. ive already explained your lovely rules
mom - and leave the alcohol in the car, i wont have you drinking in my house
me - i also explained that part, you were obviously too self absorbed to hear me saying just that
mom - i dont really care if you dont agree with my rules
me - kbye!

-------

its interesting how she just had surgery and im giving up all my free time basically for the next month to helping her do everything. cook, clean, garden, mow the lawn, change the sheets, take care of the dog, wash the cars, run the errands.... thats not really the way to talk to someone who is helping you out... and is your only lifeline. if she had just approached us in an adult manner like "listen, i would really appreciate it if you guys didnt drink in my house, im just not comfortable with it, and please no sex" and left it at that, no one would be angry. i might be a little pissed but not enough to write a fucking blog post about it. but she had to be all cunty about it, so good luck getting me to mow the lawn or cook for you tomorrow.. or at all. you give respect to get it, its not a right, its a priveledge. have a good day mom. hope you drown in your own urine. oh right, you got those depends on, lemme bring you that copy of AARP magazine that came in today. fucking old hag.

oh curtis

so this is curtis. hes from mesa, arizona. he doesnt come on the chatroom that much, but when he does, he commands attention at all times. if hes not complaining about how frustrated he is with his life, hes telling everyone how many men he killed in afghanistan, leter admitting he was never involved in the military at all? and he favorite of activities, polishing his guns. they are the only thing tying him to this 'cruel mortal world.'

so of course i exploit that when he pisses us off and commands us to pay attention in the middle of something we were talking about. no no, thats fine, interrupt us, all eyes on you. "thank you, whats the name of this song? 'and every night..... uh... thats all i know."

.......

bye.

this was the rest of our conversation lol, i'm 'anders sg' and he's 'curtisayyooo'
enjoy :]


curtisayyyyyooooo: i was just asking for help
southernjersey: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
curtisayyyyyooooo: stfu
southernjersey: I MISSED THE JERSEY SHORE
southernjersey: WTF
southernjersey: FUCKING BABY SITTING
anders_sg: yup after i defended you about 6 times, no thats fine
curtisayyyyyooooo: get the tampon out of your ass and quit being so pissy, i just wanted help finding a song, not once did i ever say it was all about me
southernjersey: curtis i told you all i knew
anders_sg: are you done yet? can we talk about me? let me just interrupt your conversation
southernjersey: i dont do old school songs
curtisayyyyyooooo: wtf ever drew
southernjersey: im staying outta this
southernjersey: im gona go piss
curtisayyyyyooooo: i didnt mean to interrupt
anders_sg: oh my feelings.
anders_sg: good evening billy :]
billz_kikaku: hey drewbear <333333
anders_sg: sup wit it?
*jnegrete12 joined the room.
billz_kikaku: nout i wonna sleep but im waiting till i doze off you?
anders_sg: nada
*jnegrete12 left the room.
southernjersey: i am also in desperate need of a shower
southernjersey: soo again ill brb
curtisayyyyyooooo: i can smell u from here
*jnegrete12 joined the room.
curtisayyyyyooooo: idk why morons pm me
anders_sg: personally im very turned on my artillary, especially if handled by an experienced military officer
*Succesfully ignored the user.
*jnegrete12 left the room.
curtisayyyyyooooo: im attaching a red dot to a ww2 rifle
anders_sg: im listening to abba
anders_sg: my stories better
billz_kikaku: im biting my nails /win
curtisayyyyyooooo: where the fuck are all my allen wrenches
anders_sg: wheres your purple heart?
curtisayyyyyooooo: what
anders_sg: oh nothing
curtisayyyyyooooo: u done yet?
anders_sg: does that red dot help find your reason for existance? no ones found that yet
anders_sg: hiding like osama somewhere
curtisayyyyyooooo: dude go fuck yourself
anders_sg: with your fake gun you bought at dollar general?
curtisayyyyyooooo: none of my guns are fake buddy boy
anders_sg: you gotta scratch 'fischer price' off the side
curtisayyyyyooooo: i wish they had fake ones like this
anders_sg: i wish you could be taken seriously in the least
curtisayyyyyooooo: i wish you werent suck a fucking douchebag
anders_sg: i suck a douchebag? actually a douchebag is a pump, so i would have to be sucking the nozzel
curtisayyyyyooooo: such*
anders_sg: haha go 'cock' your gun. watch the gun snap in half when you do
anders_sg: you look like such a badass doing that, everyones so impressed with your military accomplishments
anders_sg: they should build a statue of you
anders_sg: The Dickhead Memorial
curtisayyyyyooooo: and they should beat the shit out of your bitch ass
anders_sg: let all that sexual frustration out
curtisayyyyyooooo: im frustrated with alot of shit ok?
anders_sg: sadface :]
southernjersey: time to put stuff on my face
anders_sg: 2 minute intermission to come up with more shitty comebacks?
curtisayyyyyooooo: im not fighting with you
curtisayyyyyooooo: i still consider you a friend
anders_sg: or fighting anyone else with that plastic toy store gun of yours
curtisayyyyyooooo: its not plastic
anders_sg: its as plastic as your prosthetic penis
curtisayyyyyooooo: ha i wish
anders_sg: i think you have a tampon in your asshole like i do
anders_sg: we should form a facebook group
curtisayyyyyooooo: doubtful
anders_sg: keep scrubbing, that toy store logo is bound to come off

texts...

like... can you stop?

i went to the club last night and met up with some old friends, and who do i see? brytoxication! frickyea!..no. i saw him as soon as i walked up the steps too, so it definitely threw a wet blanket over my night, also seeing him 4 other times that night. the club was eh, jam packed and everyone was paired up and didnt really feel like whoring it up. and there were legit 6 old creeps who looked like the squirrely guy from office space + a mullet.

so i leave the club and im on my way home when i feel brrrbrrrr in my pocket. i say to myself "oh fucking boy, i wonder who that could be," sure enough its bryan. so the conversation goes like this

bryan - were u at woodys (no question mark or proper spelling, fine. help yourself)
me - yeah
bryan - lol      ----(how the fuck do you reply to that?)
me - good talk
bryan - i was thereee
me - i know. you were with people
bryan - you saw me? Lol. Why didn't you say hi? (now he gets all gramatically correct)
me - cuz you were with people
bryan - ohhh Lol.

-----------

i've often debated turning off texting on my phone. this is the kind of shit that makes me want to slap nuns in the face.

i kind of lost momentum in this post, bottom line.... i hate bryan.. i hate gay clubs...

mehh .... boobs. that is all.

songs and memories

i cant imagine im the only one who does this, but ive never met anyone who does it as... deeply? or emotionally as i do. i put together a song and a place or person in my head, and whenever i hear that song, i close my eyes and think about what its attached to. i have about 600 of these, so im gonna put down as many as i can think of.
(if you dont know the song, please go look it up, because its most likely amazing)
--------------------------------------
[bon iver - RE: Stacks]

sitting on the adirondack chair on the hill next to bayside at roger williams university overlooking mt hope bay and the mt hope bridge, in the dark smoking half a pack of cigarettes overlooking the bay lit up by the bridge and the house lights across the bay in tiverton/ fall river.

-----------------------------

[angels and airwaves - the adventure]

the first night i ever spent with a guy, who happened to be my first bf back in 2006, i was laying in bed across the hall from him because we couldnt share a room for obvious reasons haha, but when i was waking up, i turned on my ipod speakers and played this song while we made eye contact after our first night together. im almost positive looking back that he didnt/ doesnt/ wont ever feel the way i felt about him, but im very much over it. it was still a special moment.

------------------------------

[the postal service - we will become silhouettes]

i listened to the entire album, mostly this song though, when i was in aruba in 2006 with my family. i image attached to this song specifically was my dad driving a jeep full of tourists, including my family, down this deserty/ rocky hillside to get to this place called the natural pool which was this rock formation at the edge of the ocean/ rocks that made a pretty deep pool, with the waves crashing over one wall every couple minutes. it was beautiful.

-----------------------------

[imogen heap - the moment i said it]

a month after my dad died, i got into a relationship for some effed up reason, i was really emotionally needy at that point and jumped into a relationship with this guy kevin for about a month during christmas break back in philly. so long story short, i told him i was worried about us being together after i went back to rhode island, and he took this the wrong way and thought i was implying that i didnt trust him... so he broke up with me overnight on facebook and didnt talk to me afterwards until i ran into him at a halloween party this past year, so on the way home from our last date where we had the fight and he just slammed the door and ran inside, i was listening to this song basically crying because i couldnt handle another loss in my life.

---------------------------

[john mayer - heartbreak warfare]

same ex same story, just after it set in i was sitting in my garage smoking listening to this song on repeat bawling my eyes out for a good hour

--------------------------

[i dunno - the summons]

i played this song on piano and sang it at my dads funeral, so whenever i hear it in church i start crying and have to leave. jeez i sound like a whiny little bitch hahah.

-------------------------

these 5 songs get lumped together because theyre the same genre and i played them all on repeat together during these instances

[hird - water under my bridges]
[plej - and so lay the land]
[plej - borderline]
[plej - safe place]
[plej - seasons]

either walking down the road (old ferry road in bristol, ri) or at the bottom of the road where the street turned into this beautiful round terrace with a lighthouse a few hundred feet to the right, a rocky beach infront and a huge suspension bridge hanging over your head, i usually went down at night and sat on the rock wall and listened to these songs, its my 'happy place' thought, whenever im so upset i cant see straight, i go somewhere to be by myself and think of being in that one spot looking up at the bridge lit up.

-------------------------------

[goldfrapp - rocket (techno club remix)]
[beyonce - videophone (techno club remix)]

these two songs were my favorite club songs to dance to at this club in providence, ri called mirabar. i have so many good memories there, being so new to the club scene, exploring what rhode island had to offer as far as gay activities and social events and parties and the boys, all of that. meeting new people, going to different peoples houses, drinking new drinks, everything was perfect.

------------------------------

[mgmt - kids]

i sang this twice on karaoke night at mirabar and got pretty good feedback and applause, which actually helped with me being more confident with singing

--------------------------------------

[the american analog set - punk as]

sitting on the ripta, rhode island public transportation authority/ the bus, this is the song i listened to watching the quaint new england houses fly by on my way up to providence to hang out with my providence gays. also captured this beauty on the bus while listening to this song haha. pocahontas? i think so.

----------------------------------

[death cab for cutie - grapevine fires]
[matt pond pa - from debris]

these two songs were very symbolic and got me through my house burning down. especially the matt pond one. its amazing.

----------------------------------

[bright eyes - time code]    seriously listen to this song in the dark alone. its fucking mind blowing.

i listened to this song on repeat when i was skiing, kind of made it zone out and reflect on alot of stuff. amazing song.

to be continued...

ugh exes

so lets be honest, i hate most of my exes lol. i have one that i let slip through my fingers and still miss alot. not to an obsessive amount, but enough to turn a nice night into a night of smoking cigs and sitting in the dark staring at the walls thinking of him for long expanses of time.

what normal people do - gtf over it. he's gone, move on with your life.

what i do - sulk and facebook stalk, oh wait he either deleted his facebook or blocked me.

and when i meet certain people, i see similarities in them with my ex, so i'm both drawn to them but put off because it hurts too much to be associated with them. like i just met this one guy, who's a complete nerd, he's shy in a cute way, and loves obscure internet memes. and looks almost exactly like him. and has the same name lol. i know i should just keep this shit to myself but then why have a blog haha.

so should i keep up the friendship or not talk to anyone who reminds me of him? the obvious answer is the former, but it just sucks so hard him talking about computer programming and me sitting there going "ughhh talk about kesha or something so you stop sounding like adam." thank god he's not a hipster or i would have thrown my arms up in the air and said forget it, bye.

history of adam and i:

met at mya (a gay youth group i went to alot from like 2007-2009) after not going for like a year, this was in june of 2010. so i was kiiiinda interested in this other guy too, but we were all still friends, and the other kid went to mya too, so i was like hey lets all three meet up at the king of prussia mall and hang out. i met up with adam first and i felt this instant connection to him, might have been the fumes fucking with my head from bath and body works haha. but we walked around and saw something funny and shared a laugh that brought us alot closer. then we met up with the second kid, who was dropped off by his MOM, didnt know he was like 17 at the time, so we devised a plan to ditch the second kid, which is just horrible i know, but we were like in that mischievious schoolboy crush phase, so we just wanted to be together, alone. so adam called me from his phone and i acted like it was my mom telling me to come home right now. so i told him i gotta go home, adam walked to another part of the mall and the other kid waited for his mom to pick him up. i drove down to meet adam, and we went back to his house laughing the whole way there. which is awful again i know. i ended up spending one of the best nights of my life with him that night, and we were together until i guess october of 2010. a short lived relationship, but we basically moved in together for a few weeks, we were like attached at the hip, he made me so happy. i went up to visit him in massachusettes like twice a month, he payed for alot of things for me, which i feel horrible about. i sometimes imagine giving him back like $400 he spent on me throughout the whole time we were together just to get him to like me again, which is pretty pathetic, but seems kind of right in my mind. anyway we split up and some words were said, so we didnt talk for a couple months up until christmas break, then i invited him over and we had that awkward oh hi how've you been thing for like 4 minutes, then we lunged at eachother and made out furiously for a half hour hahaha. we decided we'd try it again, then i went into the hospital for a month for an eating disorder and i didnt hear from him once when i was in there, even though he lived 10 minutes from the hospital. so we didnt talk again until like june when i was driving through his town and thought id say hi, and he was very short with me, which should have been a hint to stop trying, but i asked him if i could stop over to say hi, and he said he almost never gets breaks from work so no. so i havent heard from him since, but he told me he moved back home to go to school in philly, which makes me even sadder because now we actually could work better instead of being long distance. but reading this whole monologue back to myself, i know it isnt going to work. i just needed to vent to get me out of this funk. and i know only like 1 person reads this every now and then, its not really specifically for him, i just needed to put it on paper, figuratively, and get it out of my head.

if anyone reads this and has any suggestions, id be more than happy to hear them cuz it really gets me down. now i sound like a sadsack douchebag emo little girl, but idc.

ughhhhhh

me and my snazzy new gaga video

judas - lady gaga

fuckin stop it.

people who message you on one site, and you end the conversation not to their satisfaction, and you forget to go 'invisible' on aim, skype, facebook and gchat, oh and turn off your cell phone to avoid talking to them anymore. seems like a lot of work to avoid something that shouldn't happen in the first place if the other person had social skills and knew when to stop. 

exhibit A

(enlarge image)

seriously? thank god he has my number and my skype.. awaiting those botherings (its a word lol)

jesus god almighty.

places i've lived/ stayed more than a month

mount laurel, new jersey 1990-2000

a kind of decently-built house, built in like 1988, vinyl everything, pink tile floors, vertical blinds, pink leather couches, very early 90s themed haha

-----------------

marietta, georgia may 2000-january 2001

actually pretty nice apartments, lived there for half a year while we found a house

-----------------

marietta, georgia     january 2001-june 2005

amazing/ gorgeous/ awesome/ hugeass house. loved it. miss it so much.

---------

pocono pines, pennsylvania june 2005- august 2006

our old vacation house built in 1986 turned into a permenant house (death) until it burnt down hahaha

--------

pocono pines, pennsylvania    september 2006-june 2007

moved into a rental house on the other side of the development, pretty decent house, probably built around 1998. one of the more popular models the major builder built in that neighborhood

same map

---------------

then back to the previous house after it was redone until august 2007

---------------

sewell, new jersey     september 2007-august 2009/ june 2010-present

poorly constructed cookie cutter house, but it's close to philly and the shore, so it's not horrible.

----------------

bristol, rhode island   august 2009-june 2010

roger williams university - amazing. that is all.

don't you fuckin hashtag me.

stop hashtagging everywhere you possibly can. it makes your statement and your life irrelevant.

(click to enlarge)

a) these particular homosexuals already piss me the fuck off, then he puts a hashtag infront of headache. like its a trending topic. not only does he want us to acknowledge his headache which is his own damn problem, he wants to shove in our faces that he's somewhat twitter-literate, then he wants it to become a trending topic amongst his facebook friends. be more pretentious, i dare you. fucking asshat.

you might be too self absorbed to understand what asshat means - means you have your head shoved so far up your own ass that your ass acts like a hat. not cute.

then of course.

you are a ballsack. i hope you get hit by a car tomorrow.

people that piss me off on stickam

the chatroom was dead. so i decided to test brennen's sobriety by sending him a couple tongue twisters on the main chat, several other people were involved in the enjoyment of said tongue twisters. out of left field, this bitch comes on and goes ...

(click to enlarge)

bravo - cry about it. take your whiny ass and your basic fuckin life to another room, or WHOA idea, PM someone if you want to speak with them privately because i think... i may be wrong... PM stands for ... Private Message. too much information to take in, i know. i'll give you a few minutes.
-
-
-
-
-
are you ok?
gonna go with no.

thank god my gag reflex isn't completely gone

LOL what do you think?

oh bryan...

"wtf looks like some david bowie 1980s shit"

"it was a fairy tale party dumb fucks.... i was supposed to be a fairy. makeup and costume needed....."

"you should hear him sing, it's awful. there's so many things wrong with him, that one can't even pick a place to start. He just needs to drop off the face of the earth."

"He's a disgrace to gay men."

"why is this kid alive."

-----------my favorite one----------

"I personally know this kid. He's the kind of kid that comes out of the closet and cannot simply... be gay. He must outwardly thrust his every thought and opinion on to everybody around him in the most obnoxious ways possible to the point where he is not longer "gay" but instead, GAY~*~*~*. He thinks that he will be famous for being sassy on the internet and producing horrible videos of himself and his two (and only) followers trying hard to be 'celebrities'. The glitter and makeup are not him "expressing himself"... it's him trying really hard to be as stereotypically gay as he can be because in his mind, this is how he will become "famous". Unfortunately his mind is in a very conceited, ego-maniacal, confused, sad and all around embarrassing state of being , but hopefully it will come back to reality and he will realize he can end his pathetic charade and realize that you can be a homosexual, like myself and so many others in this world, without purposefully pretending to be a fairy glitz-fag.

Brytoxication, just stop. It's really not helping your image at all, or ours."

thank god i dated this kid. 

phone calls.

when and why did the very idea of making a phone call turn into something so intrusive? when texting appeared, i guess, but why? this isn't an anti-texting thing, text is an excellent way to impart simple information to which you don't need an answer. especially to more than one person. it reaches its full beauty when you need to tell four people "we're in the upstairs bar." i don't even know how upstairs bars worked before texts. but for anything more complicated than that, especially anything requiring discussion, the easiest way to sort something out is still talking to that person directly. and since we all own devices that allow us to do precisely that, why have we suddenly gotten so shy about doing it? the assumption is everything is quicker and easier to sort out by text, which it's just not. certainly for those who are constitutionally unable to write "mon 24" but have to write "Monday 24TH." but even for normal people, as i expect you wrongly like to consider yourselves, it's not that easy. the texts i most hate are the ones that say something as lethally open-ended as "let's meet up" or "when are you free?" well i'm free all sorts of times! but with a variety of complications and preferences! if we meet early the 14th is best, whereas the 16th is fine, but i definitely can't be there until 8. and the 19th would be ideal, and the 20th is probably ok, but i won't know until Monday, with a capitol fucking M. by the time i've pecked all that out with my text hating but capitol observing thumbs, it will be at least the 28th, and you'll have long since given me up for dead! where if i had just called you up, we could have sorted all that out using the mystical language of the mouth. and we'd have made a plan by now. and if you can't answer, that's fine, i'll leave a message. which i'd like you to listen to by the way because in it, i will have left the thing i was calling you up to say. i really don't understand why people call you and say "oh i saw i got a missed call from you, but i didn't listen to the message, what was it?" well the message was the thing i said. in the message. that is very much what message means. when i get a call saying "i got a message from you haven't listened to it", it takes a great deal of will power to resist saying "well i tell you what, hang up and call me back when you've listened to it." after all, you wouldn't write a letter to someone saying "i see i've got an envelope with your postmark on it, haven't opened it yet, thought i'd write back right away." the point is, replying to an email is a massive chore. replying to a text can be a small chore. answering the phone and having a quick chat is no chore at all! and neither is listening to an answering machine message. so let's not be afraid to do it. after all, we managed to do it in the "old days." people say that before cell phones, we were less enthralled to answer phones, but they're misremembering. if the house phone rang, didn't matter what you were doing, you ran to answer it. and you answered it in it's own special room of the house while standing up and with a recitation of the phone number.

my god i'm 80.

LOL

today i wish to speak to you about the word LOL. thats LOL with one L, not two. actually it does have two Ls, so two not three. now i've said LOL too many times and it's gone weird on me, lol lol lol. snap out of it drew. today i wish to speak to you about the modern habit of indicating approval of a joke by writing the word LOL, short for Laugh Out Loud. here's a fun little game, guess if i'm for or against this alliteration. are you sure? have you adequately explored the possibility that i actually think it's charming and harmless and that i'm about to launch into a staunch defense of it? no? quite sure? ah! then you have walked right into my trap, mr. bond, because actually i do approve of it, and i am about to defend it.  i mean god knows i'd never use it myself, but i do think, unlike much of tech speak, it fulfills a useful purpose to which there was no previous word in the english language, thus earns its place. the meaning i take from the word LOL is "i acknowledge that you have made a joke, and wish to express my enjoyment of it." and that's an excellent and compact way to say that thing. because otherwise, what are the options? "very funny"? "haha"? "most amusing"? written down, they all look sarcastic. that's the beauty of LOL. unique amongst of approbation, it's never meant sarcastically. so what non-LOLers tend to do instead to illustrate they've noticed your joke, especially on the internet, is to make the same joke again using slightly different words. that's to say if the joke, and i say joke but is normally just a vaguely light hearted remark which really cant bear the weight it's about to have placed upon it, if the joke you've just read ends say ... "or a monkey butler.", the temptation is to signal your joke-getting status by replying "yes! or a pig butler." this is all very well, but is just a waste of joke energy. the first guy did the inapropriate butler thing with the monkey, maybe he considered pig and rejected it. but even if not, the pig isn't bringing anything new to the table (which is probably why he would make such a bad butler.) plus, it creates a new joke-ish, to which the original joker must now presumably respond "yes! or a ... goat butler." and there you are, locked into an unstoppable spiral of naming animals who would make bad butlers to one another. and since this category includes all animals with the possibly humerous exception but not actual exception of penguins, you'll be there awhile. much better, surely, is to respond with a brief, untiring LOL, and thus register "i realize that when you suggested that a monkey could be a butler, you had your tongue somewhat in your cheek." or IRTWYSTAMCBABYHYTSIYC, but i expect that may be too specific to fall into general use.

oh, but don't therefore assume that i'm fine with smilies too. i'm unfine with smilies. because people often make a similar defense for smilies that they do something for which there is not otherwise a clear written linguistic signal. they express the sentiment "don't take what i've just said seriously, it was only a joke." but i say, if you feel the need to make that clear, go back and rewrite the joke. it wasn't a good enough joke. try harder to write unambiguously. besides, if we allow smilies to do that job, it leaves the field wide open for people to willfully misuse them. and then where are we? i would ask you to be a bridesmaid, but of course you're far too fat :) <-- that's where we are.

brennen

sweety, you're making it hard for people to like you when you walk around looking like a hobo smelling like stail cabbage and skin the color of an old man's scrotum.

you are not john cena, stop.

ahhh... much better picture.

you need a hobbie when your wall posts look like this.

no response. stop trolling for friends.

you really need to post a status about you finishing your taxes?

srsly? how many times do we need to hear about your fake running regimen.

irrelevant. do not care about what you are eating. huh huh huh side of real food? ur funny.

holy SHIT you are so funny!!! hahahaha NO. bye.

ENOUGH of this horseshit. why did this shit follow us past like 2001? its so goddamn annoying. makes me want to drive my truck into an elementary school.

uhhhh freddie.

guess i'll just dive right into this lol. this story is embarassing for me, but i feel like it needs to be shared. i'll organize this chronologically.

thursday july 1st - had a fight with mother the night before, left the house on thursday on a bus heading to norristown, pa to hang out with someone i met on grindr (this app is getting me in alot of shitty situations lol jussayin) he introduced himself as sean carter and asked if i knew him from anywhere, and i said no? and he goes oh well im kind of a celebrity in philly. im like .. ok? and he goes go search sean carter broke straight boys, and i didnt just because i needed a place to go that weekend. anyway, met up with him at the bus station and got in the car with some old guy driving him around to get a money order for a new drivers license. ok whatever. after he verbally assaulted the guy behind the counter for the $1.50 money order, we got back i nthe car and jumped over the dmv fence to find it was closed. headed back to his place, oh wait not his place. he's mooching off one of his friends. so no job and no house. good start. went to his friends house in philly that night, driven by one of this friends who basically pays for his food and alcohol and transportation anywhere he goes. blows my mind. and got wasted.

friday july 2nd - went back to his place in norristown and his one friend came over for about 3 days and just didnt go home. i paid for his food and cigarettes throughout the whole weekend, my transportation and food budget for the weekend was $80, which lasted me umm 2 days.

saturday and sunday - did nothing besides walk to a liquor store and got in the middle of a black lesbian fight and almost got punched.

monday july 4th - took the train into philly for the 4th of july parade/ party thing by the art museum. he decided to pregame hard and ended up pissing right outside the train station, making me stand guard. so we got to the party thing and he was wasted, carrying a water bottle of vodka, classy. i was sober the whole day. so we met up with a couple of his friends and he began to throw a huge tantrum after making an ass out of himself. he was being obnoxiously loud and we told him to calm his shit down, and he legit hulk smashed the bench we were sitting on and demanded more alcohol. his rage increased as the alcohol flowed through his disgusting veins. so his bitch, the one who drives him everywhere and pays for everything, left after spending about 20 minutes with the guy he was supposed to be on a date with lol. so freddie kept yelling where's brian!! and i need alcohol!! so they awesome black girls next to us were laughing along with us at his demise. did i mention freddie thinks hes black and talks like hes from the hood? he uses his one pornography shoot as his only leg to stand on, no pun intended, and uses that to justify his ridiculousness. he was being alot like reginald, he kept demanding i sit next to him or go with him to the bar to get alcohol. i had about enough of him at this point and kept trying to get the bus schedule to go home lol. so he got angry when i said no im hanging out with these people, theyre nice and arent belligerent assholes like you. and he kept chuckin up his douces and sayin peace! walking away and coming back within 10 minutes. then started on about why am i hanging out with his friends? and his friends said, we hate you. so he goes my only true friends are brian and some other guy, both of which left him because they couldnt stand his drunkass nonsense. so i ended up staying the night at the friends place and going home in the morning after sharing some fun stories around freddie with them.  then they told me about gossip gay, which is a blog i think is on this site, and he's all over it. so im very proud to say i endured freddie for 4 days, i should get a scolarship for that charity work or something. ill attach some nice pictures :]

death.

notice the sean carter lmao

chuckin up douces. 

FINALE.

god almighty. these pictures were featured on his facebook, appropriate for facebook, or any site? or anything on this planet? 

this bitch...

frankly i am sick of this bullshit. these dumbass gays thinking they know how to run a goddamn relationship correctly. so last month i met this guy, im gonna call him reginald, i dont know if he thinks being awkward is cute, or clinging on to my every fucking move it appropriate, or berating me to come sit next to him on the other couch when im just tryin to eat my goddamn cheetos is ok in his mind, but to any normal, well adjusted person who knows how relationships work, its not ok.  i met him off grindr, first thing i did wrong, it is so irritating, it is the most annoying thing i have ever experienced in my twenty years of being on this planet, having to deal with a clingy fucking boyfriend. i understand you like me, A) you cant demostrate that to me by literally hanging onto my arm every second we're together, or B) trying to buy my love by secretly putting money in my bank account, then texting me saying "go look at your bank statement, luv you :)" not ok. it started out fine, we were shopping for bedroom furniture at ikea, trying to manuever through those goddamn convolutedass pathways to get to the back where they sell the mattresses. then asking me to lay with him like thats not awkward enough two men shopping for a fuckin mattress together. driving down to maryland to pick up a car that he said i was the reason he decided to buy it so he can see me more, horseshit. you have a job thats in another state and you dont like riding 3 trains to get there and back. have a good day. then he decides to have a clubbing night, and tells me to invite friends over to stay the night. little did i know he would change his goddamn mind that night saying, oh i only want one friend to stay the night, i dont know your other friends. loving how the other friends live an hour away and trains doesnt run that fuckin late. so we all had some drinks at his place, and he kept coming up behind me when i was trying to talk to my friends that i havent seen in about a year and interrupting me to talk about his day, bitch i've been with you the whole day, i dont need a recap on a day we fuckin shared. it was like the rebecca black of relationships. how are you gonna stand there and demand my attention when i have friends over, i understand its your house, but i gladly offered up my house instead, so dont even. we get to the club, and one of the girls drank too much and couldnt get past security, so i stayed out with them while he went fucking in the club. whatever, have fun. so i went in with my friend and this bitch reginald insists on taking me by the hand and dragging me in a circle around the dancefloor showing me off............. k so this club is split into the trashy twink side and the ghetto side, he pulls me through both. i see a bunch of people i know and i just hung my head down so avoid eye contact. then i go back down to the girls to see if they're alright and he gets mad that i dont stay up there with him. bye. so i went down and sure enough, good thing i got down there, one of the girls throws up on the sidewalk. so i stayed with her for awhile and go back up with my friend and we look for reginald and dont find him, so we dance near some of my other friends i met there. i turn my head and see him on a goddamn railing dancing drunk out of his mind, so we called him down and brought him over on the dancefloor. this was my other friends first time at that club, so i wanted to include him, but reginald had other plans, he decided to hold me to him and dance to his fucked up rhythm. so he was getting annoyed over stupid shit, so i said you're drunk, and he said "dont ever say im drunk to me again." this sent me over the roof because he's been doing that the whole month, like when i dont kiss him long enough, he goes "dont ever stop kissing me until i finish with you." really bitch? _____ no words. so i left to go back outside and he comes out and demands to talk to me, sorry im helping my drunk friend and you arent the only person in the world i care about right now. step off. so he keeps badgering me, so i pull my one girl friend around the corner and talk to her, and sure enough reginald comes waddling drunk around the corner and gets in my face and is like TALK TO ME BABUGHHH. so im like, listen, i need one minute away from you, can you handle that? took him 6 repeats of that phrase to get it through his thick head. so long story short, we broke up and he still messages me everyday going "i miss you baby, if theres anything i can do ....." enough. stop it.

i know i sound like a snotty stuck up bitch but people like that get on my nerves and i gave him ample time to tone it down.

bye.

really?

long story short, i dated this kid from march til may, things were pretty good, but he was on a whole different level than me, we didnt really have a chance to connect the way i like to with boyfriends. we broke up because i found someone i connected with, so we broke up rather abruptly, but i still find him attractive, idk why.  i mean we had a good time when we were together, he brought out my catty side lol, which is never good with me haha. but no we had fun, so i just started talking to him again, and we were hitting it off again, and i asked him if he wanted to get some coffee up near him tomorrow, and he goes "whats that gonna accomplish." and i went "i was gonna see where things went and go from there, but if you're not interested its better to know now rather than later." and he goes "im kind of talking to someone" and i went "ok." and left it at that. theres a good chance he's lying about that, but at this point i really couldnt care less.

i couldnt care less, though. not i could care less. because that, as an expression for not or hardly caring, just makes NO sense. if you could care less about something, then all you're telling us is that you do care at least a little bit, because you could care less. imagine this graph in your head cuz im not putting one in here.

here's me on the scale of caring. im at zero, therefore since negative caring is impossible, or just caring of another sort, love and hate being different sides of the same coin, etc, i couldnt care less. i could care more, but i couldnt care less. if i could care less, i would have to care the smallest possible unit of caring in order to give myself room to care less. i cant care nothing if i could care less. but i might care much more than nothing. but i could still truthfully claim to care less.

i could care less is absolutely useless as an indicator or how much you care, because the only thing it rules out is that you dont care at all, which is exactly what you are trying to convey.


----

while i've got you, the expression is "can you hold the fort." not "can you hold down the fort." if i ask you to hold the fort, the metaphor im employing is perfectly clear. you and i are in the fort together, holding out against the enemies of the fort who are beseeching the fort. i now have to pop out of the fort for a bit to get some printer toner or take the dog to the vet, while i do this (dont worry about how ill get past the beseeching enemy, i have a secret tunnel and a false beard.) while i do this, i want you to hold the fort, so that when i come back, we'll both still have the fort. a perfectly reasonable metaphor embodying a sound military strategy.

if i ask you to hold Down the fort, what the hell am i talking about? hold down the fort while i go out because as you know it's an inflatable hover-fort, and once relieved of my weight it might float off into the sky. hold down the fort, and when i get back the two of us can tickle the fort.

no. meaningless. stop it.