bahhhh

so i know this post is gonna be hella contradictory, but i really dont care. i use this page to air out my emotions so dont judge me when you read this. so ive been living with this one guy for a couple days who i met way back in 08, and he told me he had a new roommate but didnt tell me who it was until the night before i moved in basically. so this roommate... i met him back in 08 too at the gay and lesbian youth group thing, and ive had a violent crush on him since then. he went to paris for a year or so, so i kinda tried to extricate that crush from my system to avoid another adam situation. so i come over and hes asleep the night i get there, i wake up and say hi, cordial blah blah whatever. that night we got real real drunk cuz of hurricane irene hitting us. so when i get drunk i turn into a fuckin 15 year old boy, im not immature when im drunk? but i access certain emotions which i would normally keep hidden under a rotting tree trunk in a forest in russia. so i was plastered, and idk how the subject came about, but my friend asked me what was wrong and i was like YOU KNOW whats wrong lol, then hes like well what do you want me to do about it. im like ugh idk nevermind. so we got more drunk and that friend fell asleep, leaving me and this kid i have the crush on sitting on the same couch watching youtube videos. then we inched closer to eachother and did that whole song and dance. and we went back to his room and watched more youtube shit, and ended up falling asleep on his bed. i started on my side and he pulled me into himself in that cute i like you cuddly way. then he would turn over and i did the same. we did that for a while and fell asleep eventually. oh and we kissed a little bit. so we woke up and did that some more, and he went out to wal mart, and i came into the main part of the apartment and the other guy was giving me the cold shoulder??? we dated for a week like half a year ago, and we've been best friends since then, so maybe he was still harboring feelings for me?? idfk. so we broke through that and got back to normal, then the guy i like came back home and we like didnt make eye contact, like less than when we didnt have any chemistry yet. i was like .... oh. so its like 9pm right now and its been that way the whole day. so...what the fucking hell do you want lol. if he had regrets about last night, then he wouldnt have woken up and done that cuddling thing with me for an hour before leaving? granted, we were both drunk last night, but the feeling seemed to carry over into this morning which leads me to believe that he felt something more than the drunkenness. so we'll see how tonight goes, where i end up sleeping lol and what ends up happening. i mean maybe hes one of those people who takes 'no strings attached REALLY seriously, but id at least like to talk about it. or have him acknowledge that last night/ this morning was more than a hallucination. so hes getting drunk again tonight, so im definitely getting drunk too, so maybe we can rehash what happened? but ugh. and right now i have enough shit on my plate to even begin to start with this relationship shit, but seriously, im drew, im a slave to my emotions lol.